Andrea Owen

I was petrified of the world. Panic-stricken over what would happen if people saw the real me. Terrified at the thought of people knowing just how much I didn’t know. Scared they would find out how desperately I needed other people and wanted simply to love and be loved. I had built my life around perfectionism, self-sabotage, and the need for control, habits and behaviors I thought would keep me safe. Until they didn’t.

Life is hard. Not because we’re doing it wrong, but because life is hard.

—GLENNON DOYLE MELTON

Brené Brown describes shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging—something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.”

Being a parent myself, I can absolutely see where this comes from. We want our children to fit in. We want them to achieve. We want them to feel confident. We want to help them escape as much pain as possible of the trials and tribulations of growing up. Right? We don’t wake up every morning and think, “How can I make my kid not feel good enough?”

No, we’re well-meaning, and what ends up happening is that, in an effort to “help” them fit in and avoid struggle, we sometimes inadvertently make them feel inadequate as they are

The truth is, we live in a culture that profits from women not feeling good enough, beautiful enough, thin enough, everything enough. Big

This is about telling someone your experience so you can sort out your feelings. It’s about someone bearing witness to your struggle. About being seen and heard in your pain

How can people give you what you want and be an important part of the growth of your relationship if you aren’t communicating?

Whether you numb out because you hate your life or just to cope, the remedy is to look at all the troubles you don’t want to, walk through the struggle and feel it, and keep moving forward

Emotional pain can be like physical pain, warning us that something is wrong. Communicating what’s important, getting our attention, and letting us know whether or not we should change something in our lives.

The first tool