No More Mr. Nice Guy!

Being integrated means being able to accept all aspects of one's self. An integrated man is able to embrace everything that makes him uniquely male: his power, his assertiveness, his courage, and his passion as well as his imperfections, his mistakes, and his dark side.

An integrated male possesses many of the following attributes:

● He has a strong sense of self. He likes himself just as he is.

● He takes responsibility for getting his own needs met.

● He is comfortable with his masculinity and his sexuality.

● He has integrity. He does what is right, not what is expedient.

● He is a leader. He is willing to provide for and protect those he cares about.

Nice Guys are notoriously slow learners and amazingly quick forgetters when their paradigms are challenged. Their inclination is to hang on to belief systems that have proven to be consistently unworkable, yet are so embedded in their unconscious mind that to challenge them is tantamount to heresy. It is difficult for Nice Guys to consider doing something different, even when what they are doing isn't working.

An integrated man is able to embrace everything that makes him uniquely male: his power, his assertiveness, his courage, and his passion as well as his imperfections, his mistakes, and his dark side.

Nice Guys themselves frequently have a difficult time grasping the depth and seriousness of their beliefs and behaviors

By giving these men the label Nice Guy, I'm not so much referring to their actual behavior, but to their core belief system about themselves and the world around them.

Nice Guys often try to be different from their fathers

is clear, direct, and expressive of his feelings.

● He can be nurturing and giving without caretaking or problem-solving.

● He knows how to set boundaries and is not afraid to work through conflict.

may be a fun challenge when it comes to restoring a car, but it's a terrible way to choose a partner

There are a number of reasons

them.

As Nice Guys try to avoid the dark side of their masculinity, they also repress many other aspects of this male energy force