The Biteback Dictionary of Humorous Political Quotations

Conrad Murray was found guilty of giving Michael Jackson an overdose of a prescription sleeping aid. Pretty reckless on the part of the doctor. They said the sedative he prescribed was five times more powerful than a Joe Biden speech.

Obama said that he says a brief prayer every morning, but then Joe Biden shows up anyway. So I don’t know if it would really work.
Jay Leno, late-night talk-show host, 2011

Joe Biden is Barack Obama’s running mate. Yeah, nothing says change like a guy who’s been in the Senate for thirty-five years.

The art of politics consists in knowing precisely when it is necessary to hit an opponent slightly below the belt.

I’m still recovering from a shock. I was nearly drafted. It’s not that I mind fighting for my country, but they called me at a ridiculous time: in the middle of a war.

Your friend the British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office.

According to the latest poll, a record 73 per cent of Americans think the country is headed in the wrong direction. But the good news: gas is so expensive that we’ll never get there.

I invited everyone in my neighbourhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.

The US Government sent 10,000 medical kits, 20,000 blankets, $30 million cash, and today the people of New Orleans said: ‘They did what?’