The Confidence Code

s easier to keep going if you are optimistic about the outcome. If you have self-efficacy in one area, and use it, you will create more general confidence. If you have high self-esteem, and believe you are intrinsically valuable, you won’t assume your boss thinks you’re not worthy of a raise. And, if you fail, self-compassion will give you the chance not to berate yourself, but to take your failure more lightly.

For decades, women have misunderstood an important law of the professional jungle. Having talent isn’t merely about being competent; confidence is actually a part of that talent. You have to have it to be good at your job.

matter how much bravado they muster, when people don’t genuinely believe they are good, we pick up on the shifting eyes and rising voice and other giveaways. We’re not always conscious of it, but most of us have a great BS radar and can spot fake confidence a mile off.

More disturbing for women who count on competence as the key to success is Anderson’s insistence that actual ability barely matters. “When people are confident, when they think they are good at something, regardless of how good they actually are, they display a lot of nonverbal and verbal behavior,” Anderson explained. He mentioned their expansive body language, their lower vocal tone, and a tendency to speak early and often in a calm, relaxed manner. “They do a lot of things that make them look very confident in the eyes of others,” he added. “Whether they are good or not is kind of irrelevant.”

These dark spots of doubt we hide, and sometimes even nurture, need to be vanquished. Confidence is no longer the sideshow, it’s the main event.

confidence, expressed or not expressed, even in the most subtle ways, can make or break a rise up the ladder.

Do men doubt themselves sometimes? Of course. But they don’t examine those doubts in such excruciating detail, and they certainly don’t let those doubts stop them as often as women do.

David has to do a lot of public speaking in his job and loves it. When he takes the stage, his dimples soften his corporate uniform (dark suit, power tie). He says he becomes numb to any criticism from the room. He isn’t questioning whether his content is good enough or whether he’s flubbed a line or two. He tells himself he’s going to ace the presentation, be witty, and impress his bosses. “I just get up there and perform,” he said. “The trick is not to overthink it.” And if things do go wrong, he shrugs them off. “I don’t dwell on stuff; when it’s done, it’s done.”

“It’s so frustrating that we are typically so silent,”

the extent that it is more interesting to be female than male, why would we have to repress that rather than be ourselves with strength and worthiness? I’ve always said that we should not try to imitate the boys in everything they do.”