It's an eternal argument which divides people all over the world. People fight about it. Couples divorce over it. But, when the chips are down, you're either cool for cats or hot for dogs. Some people even pretend to like both but, if you could only save your dog or your cat from a grisly fate, which one would you choose? Are cats cooler than dogs or are dogs better that cats? Here, Ian Black sorts out this age-old question in his usual comic style. FOR THE CATS. Cats are cool. There even used to be a TV programme called Cool for Cats, run by some human pretending to be cool. He wasn't because only cats are cool. FOR THE DOGS. Dogs aren't cool. Dogs are warm. Dogs are dogged. When a dog loves you, he loves you through to the marrow of your bones and for ever. If they don't have dogs in heaven, then I want to go where they do. The one absolutely unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is his dog. A man's dog stands by him in prosperity and poverty, in health and sickness. He will lick the hand that has no food to offer. He will guard the sleep of his pauper master as if he were a prince. Consider: Cats are intelligent but only show it when they want to. Dogs are stupid and don't care if they show it or not. Cats give food to whoever they are loyal to. Dogs are loyal to whoever gives them food. Even people who hit them. Doh! DOGS OR CATS IT'S TIME TO CHOOSE!