An Absolute Turkey

VATELIN: Oh, who knows, my dear? (To JEAN.) Did you say I was in?
JEAN: Yes. The lady is waiting in the small drawing room.
VATELIN: Good. Then let her wait. I’ll be with her in a moment.
JEAN exits.

SOLDIGNAC: Mitzi, was machst du hier also, du verfluchteste Frau? Betrogen hast du mich, das ist ganz klar. Abscheiden. Ich will abscheiden. (He hits MITZI. She falls into PONTAGNAC’s arms.)
SECOND INSPECTOR: (Entering, followed by MME PONTAGNAC.) In the name of the law –
PONTAGNAC: (Aside.) Another Inspector. (Seeing his wife.) My wife!

VATELIN: A man I met in Zürich.
JEAN: (Entering.) Herr Soldignac!
SOLDIGNAC: (Entering with a Swiss accent.) Eh! My dear friend! Hello! How are you?

VATELIN: Who is it?
JEAN: Herr Soldignac.
MITZI: (Aside.) Mein mann!

SCENE 14
VATELIN, MITZI, JEAN, then LUCIENNE, then SOLDIGNAC, then PONTAGNAC
JEAN: (Entering.) A gentleman is asking if Monsieur is at home?
VATELIN: Who is it?

SCENE 13
LUCIENNE, VATELIN, then JEAN, then MITZI.
VATELIN: Would you give me a moment, darling, while I get rid of this woman? (He rings the bell.)
LUCIENNE: Of course. I’ll see you very soon, darling. (She exits.)
JEAN: You rang, Sir?
VATELIN: Yes. Show the lady in. (JEAN ushers in MITZI, then exits. VATELIN sits at the table, shuffling his papers, and pretending to be busy.) If you’d just take a seat, Madame

VATELIN: For me? Who is it?
JEAN: I don’t know. I’ve never seen her before.
LUCIENNE: A lady? Is she pretty? What does she want?

SCENE 12
MME PONTAGNAC, REDILLON, PONTAGNAC, LUCIENNE, VATELIN, JEAN.
JEAN: (Entering.) There’s a lady asking for you, Monsieur.
VATELIN: For me? Who is it?

SCENE 9
LUCIENNE, PONTAGNAC, REDILLON, VATELIN, JEAN, then MME PONTAGNAC.
JEAN: (Entering.) Madame Pontagnac.
ALL: What?!!!
PONTAGNAC: (Aside.) Good Lord! My wife!
ALL: Your wife?

SCENE 5
LUCIENNE, PONTAGNAC, JEAN, REDILLON.
JEAN: (Entering with REDILLON) Monsieur Rédillon.
LUCIENNE: Come in, my dear friend! Come in! You can help me. (Making the introductions.) Monsieur Ernest Rédillon, Monsieur Pontagnac, both friends of my husband. (The two men greet one another.) Now you know me well. Please explain to this gentleman that I am a model wife and would never be unfaithful to my husband unless he’d shown me the way.